Diary of Jane
by Trampsy
Summary: I gently pushed off the cold guard rail, the school roof beneath my feet now gone as I fell. 6918; Mukuro centric. Implied D18


**Enjoy~**

**This is unbeta'd and I do not own KHR**

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**6918 One-Shot: **_#2_

**Song Inspiration: **_The Diary of Jane – Breaking Benjamin_

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I released a soft sigh as the cold wind blew around me, my hair moving to the air. Glove hands gripped to the metal bar I was situated on, as I stared at the ground below me.

It was pathetic and I knew it was. I knew I had no chance from the beginning, I was just some pest that beat you and you swore to destroy. It hurt to accept the fact, the thought of being easily forgotten by you, throbbed painfully in my chest. It stabbed it deeper and deeper with each passing day, twisting and twisting violently as the truth became clearer and clearer.

I should have just opened my eyes and realized it, but I somehow I casted an illusion upon myself and raised myself up on false hope. But I thought I found the one person to understand me, to actually be able to handle my pain, my sort of sadistic love. But that was not the kind of love you wanted… no needed. You needed someone who could spoil you rotten, who was kind from their soul. Not a demon who's soul is so twisted and mangled that not even the devil could love it.

I tried to force myself into your life, only to be met with the cold steel of the weapon you adored. I purposely stepped on Namimori school ground or destroyed some part of the town to get your attention. It would go well until he stepped in, trying to calm you down. Then you would avert your attention to him and I would be left staring at the spot where you would normally fight me from. Only now it would be empty and the pain in my chest grew worse.

But then you stopped caring. I started walking on to Namimori School Ground with no reaction, because you were always with Him. My enemy. My rival. My opposite. While I was sadistic and evil, he was good-heated and kind natured. When I laughed at other's misfortunes, he would help them. When I would be ready to fight it out, he would want to try to talk it out and get down to the bottom of it. While I could only hurt you, he could only love you.

You were the fleeting skylark that flew to join the sky, to leave the mist behind. Confined to the ground, never to be able to catch you. I always tried to entrap you, prevent you from finding your way out, but it never succeeded.

It was painful seeing you with him every day. How I just wanted to take my trident and drive it through his body and tear him limb from limb. Crush his beating heart with my hand; stop the breath of my rival. I use to use illusions to imagine it or I would dream about finally winning you over, only to wake up with tears running down my cheeks, knowing it would never become real.

I watch you, from the roof of your school. You and he were training on school grounds. More like you trying to bite him to death and him trying to train you. I can see a few red marks on your neck from up here; they aren't hard to spot again your pale alabaster skin, only stirring up the pain more violently. A sigh released from lips as I felt the clear liquid fall down my cheeks.

Was I so unloved by the world that the one person I would die for would only hate me? Too bad I already knew the painful answer. The only way I could make you look my way now, was make you hate me further. So I would force you into fights and beat you again and again. Though it hurt me to do so, I just wanted some recognition in your world, but I knew it wouldn't last. Would you even care if I disappeared? Or would you finally count your blessings that I was gone and never coming back.

You wanna know something Kyoya-kun… I have thought about disappearing, trapping my mind in an illusionary world, where I had you in my arms, instead of you being in his. Maybe forcing myself into a never ending coma, Chrome nor Fran would be able to break it. Yeah, that sounded nice. I would have you and never have to deal with the truth. But I knew it was impossible, I had people to protect. I couldn't leave them alone; all I could do was put on a fake smile and try to act like myself.

I stared at the sky with a small frown, how I cursed it. How it stole my skylark from me, and how alone and cold I was now. Somehow, without even intending to, you have stolen my whole world and become it.

'_Kyoya-kun, I would do anything you told me if only you chose me instead of him_' I spoke quietly to the setting sun. You were gone by now, probably out to dinner with the blond, probably getting hamburgers. Or maybe you were both rolling around on your bed, while I sit here pinning like an idiot.

It was unfair Kyoya-kun. How could you choose him over me? I understood you better than he ever could. I would fight with you every day to appease you. But your steel eyes would never glance my way.

I stood on the outside of the guard rail, looking down at the black ground, the sun had finally set. I am tired. I am done. I just want to sleep. I gently pushed off the cold guard rail, the school roof beneath my feet now gone as I fell.

_Good night, Kyoya-kun. I will always love you._


End file.
